JERK!

                                                                         

Every now and then, I try to comprehend my life and the people that surrounds me. Sometimes I feel I am the meanest guy they would ever have to experience through, with a rapture of guilty happiness knowing I am blessed to be born within the boundary of these people I meet. They might be calling me self-centered or selfish, rude or mean… in whichever they are defining me, I feel they have every right to do so. Even I myself know my rudeness and recklessness, I just fail to act the change it needs. Nevertheless, I try hard to overcome these habits that inhabit in me but it always gets better of me.

I have given pain and suffering to all those people that walked through my life. I guess I am still doing it now. I don’t really have my close friends and all friends are just shallow. I am too tough to hang on to one friend throughout my life. I usually end up my friendship with fight and I literally fight with everyone beside me and who loves me.

There is, especially one friend, who have suffered as a child and who knows what really it is to be painful and hateful in life. I have seen his stage of pain in seasons, indescribable intensity of pain in his eyes and many other shuttered experiences which would cease me even if it is in dream. He usually won’t express his emotion to anyone and instead he would fight inside and amuse outside. They are able to make other people happy even after going themselves through very dark point in life. All these facts and realities happening around me have made me realize that it is possible to be happy and to impart happiness to people around us without any reasons. Happiness that comes through reason will vanish when that reason is gone but happiness that comes from your pure heart for other people resides.

The essence of this writing is to promise myself learning to share with other people. For the rest of my life, I will try to be nice and give nothing but lights. Even if it takes forever to overturn my habits, I am willing to give a shot. I needed a change, I longed for change then I reasoned for change and now I know the change. I will try whatever it takes to make friends happy and it does not really matter if it is small or big.