JERK!

                                                                         

Every now and then, I try to comprehend my life and the people that surrounds me. Sometimes I feel I am the meanest guy they would ever have to experience through, with a rapture of guilty happiness knowing I am blessed to be born within the boundary of these people I meet. They might be calling me self-centered or selfish, rude or mean… in whichever they are defining me, I feel they have every right to do so. Even I myself know my rudeness and recklessness, I just fail to act the change it needs. Nevertheless, I try hard to overcome these habits that inhabit in me but it always gets better of me.

I have given pain and suffering to all those people that walked through my life. I guess I am still doing it now. I don’t really have my close friends and all friends are just shallow. I am too tough to hang on to one friend throughout my life. I usually end up my friendship with fight and I literally fight with everyone beside me and who loves me.

There is, especially one friend, who have suffered as a child and who knows what really it is to be painful and hateful in life. I have seen his stage of pain in seasons, indescribable intensity of pain in his eyes and many other shuttered experiences which would cease me even if it is in dream. He usually won’t express his emotion to anyone and instead he would fight inside and amuse outside. They are able to make other people happy even after going themselves through very dark point in life. All these facts and realities happening around me have made me realize that it is possible to be happy and to impart happiness to people around us without any reasons. Happiness that comes through reason will vanish when that reason is gone but happiness that comes from your pure heart for other people resides.

The essence of this writing is to promise myself learning to share with other people. For the rest of my life, I will try to be nice and give nothing but lights. Even if it takes forever to overturn my habits, I am willing to give a shot. I needed a change, I longed for change then I reasoned for change and now I know the change. I will try whatever it takes to make friends happy and it does not really matter if it is small or big.

The perks of being scholarship student

                   

Whenever I pay huge junk of fees to college, I can’t stop wondering how wealthy I would be considered in my village with that amount of money. Back in my village, their annual incomes won’t be more than few thousands and they would struggle to get few hundreds to sustain their daily chores. Without the help of government, studying in one of the best aboard colleges would have been crime to dream. Moreover, they are guaranteeing that the scholarship students don’t have to ditch even a dime from home. I feel so fortunate to get paid for building my future, no one can dream more than what I get as a scholarship student.

One of the most gracious facts about Bhutan is education and medication are completely free. Education being the backbone of nation and medication ensuring the health of its people, this country has nothing but bright future. Stressing more on education, we are blessed at utmost to get free education beginning from enrolment till the day of graduation. If we utilize this gift and excel in academy career, government spent tens of thousands of money in sending her younger generation aboard. Most importantly, audience with the King totally flow away the yearning hearts of many younger Bhutanese. I, being one of the fortunate students, can vividly remember the auspicious day with the king. I took a deep breath, paused and then reminded myself that it is neither dream nor poster of him, it is happening and he is right in front of me. It was really an amazing episode of my life!

Getting By!

As a kid, to be grownup is like all dreams coming true, like fair road paved just ahead of me, overwhelmed with success. Back then, I was just a kid, where parents refusing to give Rs.10 was saddest feelings and getting beat up were worse experiences. Now I would embrace if those were only my worries. It feels unfair the way life goes. There are some flaws, meddling in our hopes! It does not get better in an environment where money counts. I am in that position where journey started whiles ago, which is still getting started. I can’t think of what tomorrow holds of me! Either way, choosing not to think gets me surviving.

I could have chosen any of my dreams… pilot, doctor, engineer, lawyer (hypnotically any job) …! Getting wife wasn't my problem, there were more than thirty girls in my class. There were no worries of unemployment. Getting settled? I built castle in my mind, and of course, there were lots of maid. I guess I was pretty wealthy back then! :) I should have brought Mercedes too(well, i didn't know it exist).So proud to of being me. Hell! My childhood and dreams were awesome!

I am here on my bed typing these flows from my clouded brain, thinking all these possibilities of hardship I am about to face. I couldn't sleep, even after trying for hours. Mother Nature is not on my side and sad thoughts are crippling through my nerves. I feel I am surrounded with distressing environment, even that empty vodka bottle on my table tells me story of my life ( forget about empty cup just in front of me, it is too hard to explain!). life is so hard and it gets harder when I have to live with it!